Question: Hey, How does my novel beginning sound??


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Answer #1:

i don't really like it... i didn't read the whole thing because the way you form your sentences is kind of weird
they all start with "i"
work on and adding different vocabulary

Answer #2:

I don't really like it... I'm sorry. It's kinda weird. I didn't read it all the way.

Answer #3:

It's an okay beginning but it needs some fine-tuning.
First try more description. It goes too fast which makes it too dull. Describe the room a little and show us more of the main character's thoughts. Who the hell is this main character? We don't know. Make us more interested by telling us a little more about him.
Give his mom and sister a little more personality. Is Allyson older or younger than Logan? is she the annoying kind of sister or the adoring kind.
Give us some background before he and Espeo start dueling too. It's weird to see kids duel. Are they training for something or what?
We need more information. Otherwise it's too plain.
And the towns folk are too friendly. It gets corny. Maybe they could be a little less over the top. People in real life arent like this.

But the knives are cool.
;)





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